“我已经采取小步骤,回到中心”:艾丽莎的绿色复苏故事
2016年1月29日

ouroboros

With a new year comes an opportunity to share moreGreen Recoverynarratives. This is the first story I’m posting for 2016, and it offers a unique perspective, one that few of these testimonials have shared so far.

今年秋季早些时候,有读者给我发邮件说,她都赞赏绿色复苏系列,并发现它被触发。她的一个担忧是许多暗示,一个可以吃任何人想在素食饮食,故事的需要来算,测量或权衡消失,因为消耗的食物是健康的,滋润,等等。

我同意这个消息的想法,你可以吃任何你想要的和你,当你去要多的素食主义者,是有问题的。真的不能无休止地吃任何种类的饮食(包括纯素食主义),并暗示尽可能多可能引发暴饮暴食或饮食平衡的扭曲一个人的感觉。我认为,大多数素食者可以吃得比杂食者多一点量,因为没有动物脂肪通常会产生一个整体略少高热量的饮食模式。但它并非总是如此,而且它也没有什么,应该采取极端。

My reader’s email got me thinking about some comments and emails I’ve gotten over the years saying that Green Recovery stories can be both inspiring and also frustrating to read for those who are still in the grips of an ED. This feedback has made me intent on sharing more posts that highlight the complications and difficulties and impasses of recovery, as well as the breakthroughs.

正如我以前说过的,我不相信素食主义是一种“解决方案”,饮食失调,以及绿色复苏的意图并不是建议尽可能多的。相反,它打开了一个关于素食主义的提供一个有意义的视角来那些谁具有E威廉appDS挣扎的可能性对话框。对我来说,素食主义是一个转折点。它放置食物我的选择中,让我从一些成见和恐惧的挣脱一个哲学框架。但我无处没有我在治疗中所做的工作,以及广泛的自我反省和真诚对话,与家人和朋友。

换句话说,素食主义影响了我的恢复,但它并没有创造它。我认为这是共享的叙述,使明确表示,素食主义并不是治疗每个人都很重要。今天的故事就是这样做的,而且它也是在行动中自我反省的一个鼓舞人心的例子。因为她是谁打开了这个重要的对话的人,这里是阿利萨的故事。


My “recovery” from disordered eating did not begin with adopting a vegan diet and lifestyle.

事实上,到今天为止,我还没有从饮食失调的恢复尽管被素食主义者了五年,无肉自2006年以来虽然这是事实,我的饮食现在较为侧重于以植物为基础的饭菜比过去,和我现在多吃营养丰富的饭菜比我还只是在几年前一样,我仍然在我的饮食失调症,暴食和清除和限制期之间交替的魔掌。从我的饮食失调素食主义并没有“解放”了我;相反,它只是给了我许可证才能继续狂欢和清除,限制,甚至上我猛吃保持不变中粮集团。这样一来,我的绿色复苏的故事不是如何素食主义在我的恢复饮食失调帮助一个故事,而是一个关于我如何发展饮食失调,首先过渡到素食后来素食主义,保持了我的饮食失调,尽管采用了一个故事威廉app健康的饮食习惯和生活方式。

Like many people who have contributed to this series, I come from a family preoccupied with food. My father’s family is from Italy, and my parents are both from the working-class. Visits to my paternal grandparents’ home were met with food: wandering through my grandfather’s garden and delighting in the abundance of zucchini planted with me in mind, eating pastina when sick, modeling my preference for warm polenta with milk after my grandfather’s. To say that food occupied space in my grandparents’ lives would be an understatement; for my grandparents, food was everything – from the garden planted each year that fed my father, his siblings, and, later, their children to the homemade peanut butter crackers that adorned the dining room table regardless of if visitors came or not. Food carried weight with my grandparents, both for what it meant culturally and because, at times, food had been scarce, and the ability to feed a family of six was a source of pride for my grandparents. As I began my transition to veganism, my grandmother confronted me with questions about what I would now eat; in reality, her questions were also about why I had rejected my cultural heritage, as food played a prominent role. To my grandmother, being vegan meant a move away from the family – a point of soreness that has been compounded by the other ways I’ve differentiated myself from my working-class home and past.

我在2006年去吃素,同年,我从我的家乡搬到攻读英语博士学位。我的素食主义过渡的话,正好与过渡从什么很熟悉了 - 我的家,我的家乡,和教师谁已经基本上支持我的学术生涯。事实上,我的素食主义过渡是制导,为安康的动物,而是由别人约会素食和享受她做的饭菜,而不会影响承担伦理关怀了。正是在这个时候,还有,是“限购”意味着只能慢慢消除食品我曾经享有,这一直是非常重要的我的家人和连接到爷爷奶奶的回忆食物。2006年,尽管是适度超重(我的父亲称我为一个“矮胖意大利女孩”),我用食物只盘算的是,我将不再享受我青春期的这些食物。2006年,我也开始看心理医生,但不是为我现在看到她的原因。在我们的第一次见面,我告诉我的治疗师,尽管感觉消除肉类和海鲜,想减掉几磅有些黯然,我没有问题与食物或我的尺寸/形状。换句话说,我没有任何饮食失调或身体dysmorphia之前,或者在我的过渡到素食的时间 - 对比度的叙事许多在这个系列。

It wasn’t until 2007, a year after making the switch to a plant-based diet, that I developed disordered eating, and it was brought on by a confluence of factors. The university from where I received my PhD (trigger warning here) has one of the highest, national rates of eating disorders among all colleges in the U.S. – so high that the counseling center has a team of researchers to figure out why, and many dorm bathrooms are locked after a certain time to discourage purging. I spent five years teaching at this university, watching female students in their first semester begin to carve themselves into smaller and smaller frames until by their junior or senior years they were skeletal. I dealt with a student body that valued thinness for women all costs, often imposing on female students unrealistic expectations and reinforcing for many that to find their “merger” (when two graduates marry) they must be thin. The epidemic that plagued undergraduates spread to graduate students, some in my own department. Reflecting on the etiology of my eating disorder, I now understand that these factors – teaching students with disordered eating, watching graduate students mimic these unhealthy behaviors – contributed to what was becoming an unhealthy relationship with both food and my body.

当然,造成这种关系,还有,是我无力应付在我生命中新的压力源(是从什么很熟悉了,包括我最好的朋友和合作伙伴,以及处理unsupportive教师)。我也相信,我的饮食失调症的根源是遗传的,从谁的体重极端和态度锻炼之间摇摆不定父亲继承。在我的研究生课程的过程中,我不承认我与食物的关系作为一种饮食失调症,只是我会暴食,感到可耻和愤怒,决心不暴饮暴食,但也无妨。正如我在我的生活中有很多次,我花了很多我的博士课程的蚕食我的感受 - 用食物,以此来控制一下在我的生活,例如觉得很失控就业市场的稳定性等

In the last year of my program, I routinely binged. The more stress I experienced, the more calories I consumed, often when my partner was not home or out of town. I did not weigh myself once in 2011, but I knew that I had put on considerable weight,and我觉得作为一个结果越来越不舒服。我毕业于2011年,非营利接受了任务,并继续狂欢。这也是在这一年,我从过渡到素食走素食主义,虽然我的饮食很大程度上仍然是由素食主义者的方便食品,奶酪比萨上市流通日为谷川比萨饼和冰淇淋上市流通日为素食主义者不同。由于今天是真实的,绝对素食主义意味着我在2011年的道德决定,从乳品行业及其奶牛和山羊的虐待远的自觉行动。这不是在这个意义上的救赎,这缓解了我的饮食失调 - 只知道它意味着更少的动物的痛苦。

闪烁着2013 - 仍然素食主义者,仍然超重。在2013年,我决定“获得真正的”我的健康状况,并积极取得了很大进威廉app展吃更好,减肥,我做到了几乎不费吹灰之力;越接近我来到了我的减肥目标,但是,我就越受到限制。我换了暴食厌食症而遭遇新的卫生条件造成的。已经去了四个月了无期后,我联系,我的妇科医生,只是听说,也许我应该开始节育跳开始我的时期。我没有,但已经自停服药。可悲的是,不来月经是不够吓的我发胖或改变我的习惯。我都挺喜欢我所开发的身体,审美我创造,我的身体看起来我跑的方式(是一名马拉松运动员)。

我对吃的,我的身体崭新的姿态,现在占去太多的空间在我的治疗过程,我成了我的治疗师(仍然是相同的一个在2006年),谁告诉我,我需要增肥有一段时间感到沮丧。最后,我的月经恢复了,但是又离开了我一次重新开始马拉松训练,即使在生育控制。我开始更广泛地和permissively吃,即使在纯素食,我试图在白天吃多了。我获得了几磅,但也获得了回来大吃特吃 - 所带来的,有可能的,从限制这样的时期。不像我的研究生课程,现在我猛吃跑了热量或限制,每天称量自己。我开发了“干净吃”(orthorexia)几乎痴迷,我有焦虑外出吃饭或吃其他食物早已准备好的。我经常发现自己要么试图完全避免食物或客观上大吃特吃,甚至在其他人的房子。我开始我的行为感到尴尬,并已不顾一切地阻止它,重新建立与食物和我的身体健康的关系。

在整个过程中 - 从我了解食物的举动作为燃料对粮食的东西要算两者既怕痴迷过 - 我已经采取小步骤,回到中心,建立适度,不要动摇极端之间。One way that I’ve done this is by talking with friends who have recovered from eating disorders, to practice (although I am not generally very successful) the strategies given to me by my therapist, and, lastly, to be open about having an eating disorder. This narrative, this history of my transition to both disordered eating and veganism, has been both cathartic and anxiety provoking, both liberating and restrictive, both helpful and harmful. I am glad to tell the truth about my eating disorder, but in writing my “recovery in progress” (because, again, I have not yet recovered) I am reminded of how far I am from recovery.


我真的很感谢阿利萨分享她的经验对今天的博客。我希望其他人会同意,借给一个重要的新的层面,这段对话,我希望未来的故事会继续集中代表了广泛的经验。除此之外,我觉得阿利萨的写作是bracingly诚实,很周到。我可以(如通常情况下,当我读了绿色复苏的叙述)涉及到很多她描述了,尤其是一些紧张的,她觉得她的家庭中。

与往常一样,我很想听听你的想法和应对阿利萨的故事。而且,对于那些谁拥有经验丰富的素食主义或素食的ED后,我欢迎就如何饮食可能有任何影响恢复,有利,不利或没有想法和印象。

By the way, the ouroboros image today was Alisa’s suggestion. When I asked her what sort of image might be appropriate for her post, she said she’d like something that “demonstrates a self forever in transition.” I can’t think of a better way to capture the recovery process as a whole.

祝你愉快的周末,我期待着周末的阅读上周日。

XO

分类:Food and Healing

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    11条评论
  1. Excellent work guys. Yes. The topic needs more room from people who were omnivore without an ED and shifting to veganism mainly for ethical (animal) reasons and getting caught up in thinking about food choices a bunch more than they had, and the whole healthy vegan thing, and ending up with some kind of orthorexia!

  2. i love that Alisa brought this up. After eating more plant based, I too began eating more, but I/my body didn’t handle it well, and I always am so interested… and confused.. when I hear how people eat in such abundance.
    我喜欢她的文章,介绍颊。beautifully written and spoken as always!

  3. I *loved* this different kind of Green Recovery story. it is SO important to show the many ways that veganism and EDs can intertwine and not intertwine, and I am super happy that this can be a platform for different experiences.

    I was already vegan when my ED came about, and for most of my recovery I remained vegan through much trial and error. I got better as a vegan, I relapsed as a vegan, and I got to where I am now as a vegan (which is to say, solidly in recovery and feeling good about food and body, but never would I use the word “recovered”, because I know ED thoughts can hang out in the wings and pop up during times of vulnerability.) Veganism and recovery CAN be connected, but really that’s not the FUNCTION of veganism, as Alisa points out. ANYWAY. I am super feelin’ this one and so appreciate the share.

  4. 伟大的职位!不幸的是,我觉得很多媒体及因此广大市民,往往概括纯素食主义和orthorexia作为一个与相同。威廉app

  5. 我已经吃素多年,当我决定了,五年前,走一路,成为素食主义者。不幸的是 - 和为事不关己与我的食物选择的理由 - 我也是一个暴食,让我看起来很瘦,不健康的条件。所以,作为素食主义者我去清洗,并开始感到乏力。为此,我又回到了素食,是我自己疯了,充满了绝望。慢慢地,多年来,我开始最好吃和清除较少。我必须说,我从来没有去咨询,只是无法解析请求帮助。最后,去年我有一个女儿,一个巨大的喜悦,因为我第一次担心我的ED的历史,我已经成为不育。我怀孕我吃得很好,感觉当然期间的(几乎)调和同食。最后,我已经准备好采取素食饮食!我没有...但食物太好吃了,我觉得很难保持我的体重低至祝。 Also, and I wonder if it triggers some of you, I am always afraid to lack essential nutriants, fear that makes me eatmaybe more than I should, and surely more than when I was a vegetarian…
    无论如何,我要感谢你们颊,你的博客是一个庇护所,灵感和这么多。我为我的英文不好对不起,因为它不是我的母语。
    CKN

  6. I really enjoyed this. I didn’t fully recover from my eating disorder for many years after going vegan. I’ve read each of the stories in these series, and I have seen little pieces of myself in each one. Yet I still struggle to understand if there is any relationship at all between my diet and my recovery. It’s so difficult to tease out all of the complex factors, but I do like that this series is highlighting the many different pathways, even when recovery is still very much taking place.

  7. 一个巨大的ME TOO!Although my ED has taken a very different narrative to Alisa’s (pretty much textbook anorexia) I went pescatarian because I stopped liking the taste of animal meats at least a year before the onset of illness and make the transition to veganism in the midst of it.. Because of the timing my veganism has been repeatedly derided by clinicians and i have found myself having to defend my ability to have BOTH a personality and ethical beliefs AND an eating disorder concurrently; ED sufferers are often very logical, rational and analytical in every (other) area of life. My story is complicated because I did initially go vegan for restriction but later embraced the ethics.
    总之,长絮絮叨叨但我喜欢听到阿利萨的经验和观点,我很高兴听到她得到了一些通便的写作。
    Much love to you both